Woof Humor

The Hundred and Ninth Fact

Here’s a quick piece of information: Cats and Dogs?? Yeah, they pretty much hate each other.

Which leads to my NEXT piece of information: Cats and Dogs?? Yeah, it’d be DOWNRIGHT STUPID to try to ask them to LIVE TOGETHER. PERMANENTLY.

Which is why, based on those two, very accurate bits of knowledge, I an conclude that: I live with a psychotic family.

Because, just when I started thinking to myself Hey, congratulations!! You’ve hit ROCK BOTTOM and there’s no way to proceed but UP, UP, UP!! My father comes along and indirectly assures me that if I dig hard enough, there is a way to penetrate the rock at the bottom.

Which, just FYI, is NOT a good thing.

My whole life, I knew that there would be a point when I’d reach a situation that TOTALLY sucked. From every possible angle. And that there’d be no way out of it except to persevere. And, I believed that, as soon as I waited long enough and got out of the rut, there would be no other option but to shoot to world fame and eternal glory.

[Which should give you an idea of exactly how messed up the internal working of my brain really are]

Naturally, when the cat came to stay for a short holiday, I assumed that I’d reached the place I’d been dreading my whole life, and I was kept alive and running only by the knowledge that at the end of the whole escapade, I would be mentioned along the lines of Beyonce and Oprah.

OBVIOUSLY, that didn’t happen. Instead of catching late night tequila shots with Gwen Stefani, I got my father casually asking me whether I’d like the cat to stay. FOREVERMORE.

I was so shocked, I almost puked in my mouth.  Having the cat stay for a few weeks is torture enough. But for the rest of my life?! I’d rather be put of a  long lasting NON-FAT TOFU [if there is such a thing] diet.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?? Why can’t the Gods just made me a superstar already?? It’s not like I’m not destined to be one, anyway.


The Twenty-Fifth Scroll

Remember how I said that a swimming pool was going to come up on the front lawn?? Well, guess what?? I was WRONG.

Yes, you read right. I, Feni the most BRILLIANT creature that ever trod on the planet Earth, was actually incorrect about something. I’m not exactly sure what the “thing” is going to be, but I’m pretty sure it’s NOT a pool, because the laborers have set up a cemented platform, and who has ever heard of a pool on a stage???????

Hey… WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!! What is THAT’S what they’re building?? A STAGE!!!! Because -maybe, just maybe- they have finally recognized my ASTONISHINGLY MARVELOUS talent??????

This sudden realization has got me a bit dizzy. What if they really have figured out that I was born to be a universally acclaimed diva?!??!! Well, its NO surprise to ME, of course, for I have been exposed to me awesomeness since a VERY young age. But think about the poor, unarmed viewer who will behold my brilliance for the first time EVER?? Think about their reaction?? Why, if they have lead a particularly boring life, they might even… they might even… die!!!! [I am not very comfortable with writing the D-word]

I, for once, am not exaggerating when I say that people could actually… actually cease to exist any more once they take a look at my GORGEOUS face. And my perfectly shaped snout. As well as my trimmed nails. Oh, and my handsome whiskers. [I could go on. There is a lot about me that could be classified under perfection]

Well, maybe this stage will turn out to be a better development than the swimming pool. If it is a stage after all. Which I think it will be. Yeah, sure, I was quite sure that the construction would turn out to be a pond, but hey, first time unlucky, eh?? And I have learned my lesson; I will NEVER be hasty again. I will always think before saying something [or blogging about it] and ponder over the matter thoroughly before letting my opinion be known. 

Except for this once. Because a decision as EASY as this doesn’t take time to think over. I am POSITIVE that a global podium will plant itself on the front lawn so that the globe can spot my feisty self. I have to end this post RIGHT AWAY to inform the folks about what color I want my dressing room to be painted. [Red is so vulgar. Then again, so is blue. But I do so like blue!!]

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