They’re back!! And they bought me heaps of presents!! And I’m oh so relieved!!
To be honest, calling it a “heap” is a bit of an understatement; what they brought back for me is kind of like a toy factory, Pedigree-manufacturing unit and souvenir store all rolled in one!!
And that [believe it or not] isn’t even the best part. From the moment the girls entered the front door, they’ve been fussing and crying all over me, repeatedly proclaiming that they “missed me more than they miss waiting eagerly for the next Harry Potter” [which, I can assure you, is a compliment of the highest order -of the Phoenix- see what I did there??].
Really, it’s a wonder they left my side long enough for me to be able to dash off this post.
Ah, speak of the devil. If I’m not mistaken, they’re calling me downstairs for dinner [yum]. I’m COMING!!
What if, even after spending TEN WHOLE DAYS in the City of Gifts [isn’t that what Singapore is also known as?? Probably not. Hey, I’m a DOG. It’s a blistering miracle I can even spell Singapore, forget know all of its nicknames!!], my family comes home empty-handed.
After all those Polaroids and all that anger, what if they return without a single souvenir for their precious pooch??
I mean, they WON’T. Obviously. However many times they’ve left me to fend for myself at home while they trotted across the globe, they’ve never not brought back something for me.
But there’s always a first.
It’d probably be a good idea to stop depressing myself with thoughts like these before I break another one of their antiques in the name of revenge [I lost count after the authentic didgeridoo I smashed against the kitchen wall].
I am BEYOND enraged, at the moment.
Not only is the family posting an inhumane number of holiday snapshots every hour [last time I checked, there were 7,916 photos. In FIVE days] but they have also “forgotten” to call!! Do you have ANY IDEA what this means?? Not only does it suggest that
- Taking 600 pictures a minute is more important to them than picking up the phone and calling their distressed dog [i.e, me].
But one could also say that it implies
2. They just don’t care [about me] anymore!!
Be right back, guys. Sobbing my partially-color-blind eyes out…
It’s been just seventeen HOURS since the family left for their Singapore “SLAYcataion” [slay is so 2014] and Dad has already posted 247 photos on Instagram. Talk about rubbing it in!! I mean, is it not enough that you haven’t taken your own DOG with you on holiday?? Do you ALSO have to chronicle every single second [including the airport toilet break. Honestly, no one needs to see that] and publish it on social media??
I think not.
The family is going for yet ANOTHER foreign holiday. To SINGAPORE [which, by the way, just so happens to be my ultimate favorite destination EVER -and I know I said that about Thailand and Italy and Dubai and all, but I REALLY mean it this time].
This brings up many questions and concerns that I need to notify them about, such as;
- Isn’t it illegal in the United States of America to travel out of the country for a vacation WITHOUT your dog [if it isn’t illegal, then isn’t it about time it SHOULD be]??
- They’ve been for 4 foreign trips in 1 week [or something like that], not to mention the numerous domestic journeys they’ve made in the past month. Isn’t it unhealthy to be travelling so much?? I mean, haven’t they read that article in -um- British Vogue about how excessive exposure to the -ahem- radiation in aeroplanes causes -cough- Klonberitis?? Hello?? How IGNORANT could you GET?? Am I the only one in this darn family who cares about staying safe from atmospheric radiation??
- They’re just going around recklessly spending all that moolah that I am going to need for much greater uses in a few years time [such as hiring 71 bodyguards to protect me from from my legions of fans -not to mention the hounding paparazzi- who will be desperate to catch a glimpse of me, their ruler -hey, being a blogging dog is kind of a rare thing!!]
Do you need more reasons why Mom and Dad should either 1. NOT go to Singapore or 2. Go to Singapore WITH ME?? Because, let me assure you, I’ve got TONS.