Review

Book Review: Girl Online

I’m a huge Zoella fan. The HUGEST, in fact. I LOVE her vlogs and reckon her beauty hauls are to DIE for [although I’ve noticed she doesn’t cater much to the canine species. Um, RUDE much??]. So you can see why I was the first in line to buy her debut novel that hit the stands in 2014 [yes, this reviw is more than a tad late. But can you really blame me?? I have STUFF to do, OKAY?? It isn’t like this blog is the extent of my social life and that I sit at home and silently weep under the bed every Saturday night while everybody has gone out to party and I’m stuck at home because of my misfortune to be born as a bleeding LABRADOR. My life is NOTHING like that.

Anyway.

As I was saying, Zoe Sugg is one of the most influential people in my life [and it isn’t because I have no friends and all the people I “know” are YouTubers or movie stars who I Twitter-stalk. That is so NOT like me] so you can understand why I was a tad disappointed when I was all set to DEVOUR her novel…

…And had nothing to devour except clichéd characters, not-really-witty dialogue and a barely interesting plot. Sure, it was nice enough. Elliot [protagonist Penny Porter’s gay best friend -he HAD to be gay, didn’t he??] cracked a few sharp jokes here and there, Noah [aforementioned Penny’s love-interest] was described fairly well, the story itself wasn’t TOO bad…

Except it lacked consistency.

Just when I got to a part that I could read without cringing [or maybe even slightly ENJOYED], it was followed by a amateurish passage abundant with been-there-done-thats like the whirlwind romance between Penny and Noah, the inevitable BFF fallout, the terribly hurried make-up seen between P&N right at the very end… It was all so childish.

The first hundred pages of the book were bearable. Penny’s first day with Noah was also quite OK. But after that, it started going downhill at an alarmingly rapid pace. WHY OH WHY did Zoe, usually so sane and logical, have to add that bit where her Mom bagged another vacation-extending birthday-party gig in New York?? It made the whole thing WAY to make-believe.

And 10,00+ followers in one year for just writing about your latest clumsy [and perfectly normal] escapade?? PUH-lease.

On the whole, I’d give Girl Online two out of five vanilla-scented candles but only because I adore Zoe and refuse to let a combination of 26 alphabets get in the way of my admiration.

Review · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Movie Review: Inside Out

So I went to watch Pixar’s latest blockbuster Inside Out in the multiplex yesterday and it was FAB FAB FAB!!

A HA!!

That was just a test to see whether you were paying attention an squealed out “BUT YOU COULDN’T HAVE GONE TO THE MULTIPLEX BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT EVEN HUMAN, FENI!!” I mean, I am a DOG, a fur-shedding, Pedigree-eating, dung-loving dog, who DEFINITELY isn’t allowed in the fancy cinema downtown. I’m barely allowed in my OWN home, forget a plush theater.

Anyway, the truth is we bought the glossy DVD from MegaView, made a bowl of buttery popcorn [well, I got stuck with a few scruffy bones, but no complaints] and then settled in for an hour and a half of animated nonsense.

Or so I expected.

What followed blew my mind, for various reasons. One being that I didn’t really expect it to amount to anything. Sure, there’d be a few catchy songs thrown in  that everyone will hum for the next week or so, maybe even a Top 10 Billboard hit.

What I didn’t see coming was a thought-provoking, beautifully crafted film with something for everybody; colorful animations for the kids, #sorelatable moments for the tweens, subtle chuckles for the adults… There were funny bits, triumphant bits, happy bits, tear jerking bits, sad bits, reminiscent bits…

What more could you ask for??

The [SPOILER ALERT!! You have been warned] cute little Riley flashbacks scattered throughout were my favorite scenes, as were the ones with Ding Dong. Oh, and just about every single minute with Sadness. And Disgust, my, my!! And ANGER!! Ooh, and wasn’t Panic exactly like that one best friend we all have?? And-

BASICALLY, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing. It’s fun, refreshing and a new concept that’s magnificently portrayed. I would DEFINITELY recommend watching it, be it at your place or a glitzy theater or the Internet.

HOWEVER [there’s always a “however,” isn’t there??], I have to state that the way they finished Ding Dong off was REALLY shocking -in a bad way. I personally believe that a character as well developed and important as Ding Dong was deserves a more “proper” farewell. Sure, it was noble and sacrificing and all, but seeing him tumble into the depths of The Pit Of No-Return was truly heartbreaking and brought tears to my eyes.

Also, Joy ditching Sadness and DD to rush back to the HQ is COMPLETELY out of character. Sure, she may care more about Riley’s happiness than life itself, but abandoning them like that wasn’t at all like the optimistic, problem-solving Joy that we had made acquaintance with half an hour ago.

HOWEVER [another one of those?? Like as if one isn’t bad enough], I would still chalk this movie up as one of the Top 5 Animated Movies I Have Ever Watched In My Entire Life [which isn’t saying much, considering how I’ve probably only watched about 3. But still. It’s the thought that counts, right??].

Review

The Hundred and Thirty Second Classic [In My Opinion] Review

DAY TWO: PURPLE HIBISCUS

To be honest, when I first saw the front of Adichie’s debut novel, my instinct was to place it back on the bookshelf and walk away. And, believe me when I say this, I KNOW not to judge a book by its cover, but how could I, a mere kid of TWELVE, have been attracted to a jacket that displayed a somewhat blurry female clutching a violet flower?? Sorry, but NO WAY.

That’s where Dad came in. He promptly chose that particular book as his weekend-read and the next thing I know, he placed the book on my bedside table with four simple words taped to it; “Must Read; Brilliant Book.”

I kind of had a minor heart-attack right on the spot, because my FATHER just praised something. My FATHER!!!!!!! The last time he uttered the words “Brilliant” was when Hakan Sukur scored his first FIFA goal within eleven -ELEVEN!!- seconds of the match starting.

The next thing I knew, my arms, as if on autopilot,  stretched out, grabbed the paperback, commanded my butt to seat itself on a chair and my eyes started a long pleasurable journey.

It’s a book with something for everyone; young love for the romantics, an almost-devilish father [who thinks he’s doing the right thing] for the people who generally hate others and, of course, a brilliant story for the general bookworms.

There isn’t a single word in Purple Hibiscus I would edit. There isn’t a sentence I would replace. There isn’t a paragraph that was slightly out of place. Everything fit like jigsaw pieces; without even a slight edge of awkwardness.

I enjoyed the book immensely. The last fifty pages are but a blur because of the pace I was reading them. I wanted to know more, to reach the end and relieve my mind of this constant burning sensation that commanded me to read as quickly as possible and waste no time to figure out how it all ended.

Purple Hibiscus is a gem in itself; a carefully plotted masterpiece that I wish I could relive.

Thank you, Adichie, for penning out a novel that will forever more haunt me.

Review

The Hundred and Thirty First Book Review [In VERSE]

DAY THREE: THE MAZE RUNNER

From the first moment on

I was totally gripped

From my hands to my feet

From my knees to my hip

My eyes bulged with fear

My temple-vein throbbed

I felt like I had

Of my life been robbed

For I couldn’t really focus

On anything else all day

Neither could I work

Nor could I play

All I could think of was

“Gotta’ get back to that book,”

As I said before,

I was TOTALLY hooked

The twists and the turns

That snaked through each page

The characters emotions

Their sweat, blood and rage

I FELT their triumphs

I FELT their falls

I FELT like I had

Been through it all

I could barely breathe

[Let alone study math]

My attention was keen

I was oh so rapt

When at last I read

Through the final few words

I couldn’t believe it

The way it HURT

Like a part of me

Was wrenched away

Like I could never be

Again this way

Woof Humor

The Hundred And Twenty-Ninth Book Review

Hey you guys!! It’s Feni the Bloggin’ Dog here and I was wondering whether this month could be Media Review Month?? I mean, who better to educate you on what to read and watch than ME, the most culturally enriched being to ever walk the face of the planet, right?! 

So here goes…

DAY 1: THE FAULT IN OUR STARS

Let me get this straight; I LIKED The Fault in Our Stars. That said, let me also add that, apart from the few, hilarious sentences scattered throughout the duration of the book, I found it to be… well, little more than pleasant.

A friend had told me about the story a few weeks prior to my reading it. Of course, I’d HEARD of it [very few people haven’t] but had never really thought about reading it until I noticed a classmate leafing through it during History one fateful Tuesday.

Two minutes later, I was plonked on my bench, my whole being absorbed in the novel cradled in my hands.

I LOVED the first chapter. 10 out of mind-blowing 10.

The second chapter was good, but not great. 9/10

The third chapter was also good, though nothing special. 8/10

And so it progressed.

I had to actually FORCE myself to plough through the last 50-odd pages of the book. FORCE. And, believe me, that isn’t something you want to do while reading a book that has been chalked down by the media as “damn near genius.”

One thing that REALLY confused me was the way Hazel and Gus conversed. In the beginning, they were all Shakespeare-esque, what with their never-ending sentences and their frequent use of words that crossed the 15-alphabet mark. And as you read on, they suddenly morph into normal teens and utter monosyllables like there’s no tomorrow. What’s up with THAT??

Another thing that bugged me was that, after about a hundred and fifty pages, it became absolutely clear that Augustus wasn’t going to make it to the end. Just the fact that I was able to PREDICT a vital element of the book is pretty sad.

Oh, and the whole An Imperial Affliction thing?? I thought that it was an actual book that I would have to read so as to TRULY understand Gus and Hazel’s relationship, but NOOOO. Turns out, AIA doesn’t even EXIST!!!! Talk about a MAJOR disappointment.

I guess the ‘Okay’ ‘Okay’ ‘Okay’ bits were pretty cool. So was the ‘Isaac egged his ex’s car’ part.

And, OK, there were some parts that had me laughing my head off. And there were others that made me feel pangs of sympathy for Hazel. But nothing more.

I didn’t “weep my eyes off” as the bookstore adverts assured me. Neither did I “chuckle myself hoarse” as book reviewers stated.

I didn’t even feel a strong-enough bond between Hazel and I. You would think that it would be easy enough to form one, seeing how she’s a cancer patient who has been terminal upon diagnosis and all. But apparently not.

In my humble, twelve-year-old opinion, TFIOS was mainly hype. If not for the raving reviews strategically placed at the back of the book, or the love-struck fans who ran around town screaming that this was the one book you must read or even the friend who casually mentioned it to me, I might not even have given it a second thought.

Which doesn’t say a lot, does it??