It's A Dog's Life · Take TWO



It’s just been about a week since Taylor [my supposedly loving and nurturing human sister] previewed that absolutely humiliating poem about me on her blog and just six days [DAYS, people!!] later, another one of her so-called “masterpieces” gets featured in the newspaper. UGH!!

I can’t believe this. While real, comic GENIUS [as regularly featured on my blog] remains unnoticed for years on end, utter “poetic” TRASH goes on to get splattered onto thriving media platforms within a matter of hours. It’s just SICKENING.

Here, take a look at her “poem.” >Smirks< I swear, if this is a rhyme, I’m Picasso!!

It's A Dog's Life · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Why Does It Feel Like This Is Aimed At Me?!

Oh my God, just LOOK at this poem that Taylor dashed off yesterday on her blog. Not only did she trivialise it with a snarky title, she also NAMED me!! As in, she USED MY NAME IN THE POEM!! How mortifying!!

I only hope I can sue, that’s all.

It’s Complicated [The Dog and I]

“C’mere, Feni!” I desperately coax,

My face breaks into a smile,

My dog lazily trudges towards me and

It sure seems to take her a while!!

“That’s it, baby girl,” I happily squeal,

The grimace on her face a fraud,


On the inside, I’m congratulating myself,

Her obedience, I applaud!

I have a lazy dog, ’tis true,

She rarely does obey,

And when she does, my Mom tells us,

“For this EXACTLY I pray!”

Which is why I was thrown aback,

When my dog so eagerly,

Listened to what I had to say,

Obeyed a command from me!

But ALAS! Myjoy was short lived,

When abruptly realise did I,

That Feni walked past me to her food bowl,

Well, at least I tried!

OK, WHAT exactly is she hinting at?? That I’m difficult?? That I’m DIFFICULT?? Oh, you haven’t seen difficult quite yet, buddy. SEE YOU IN COURT!!


The Hundred and Thirty First Book Review [In VERSE]


From the first moment on

I was totally gripped

From my hands to my feet

From my knees to my hip

My eyes bulged with fear

My temple-vein throbbed

I felt like I had

Of my life been robbed

For I couldn’t really focus

On anything else all day

Neither could I work

Nor could I play

All I could think of was

“Gotta’ get back to that book,”

As I said before,

I was TOTALLY hooked

The twists and the turns

That snaked through each page

The characters emotions

Their sweat, blood and rage

I FELT their triumphs

I FELT their falls

I FELT like I had

Been through it all

I could barely breathe

[Let alone study math]

My attention was keen

I was oh so rapt

When at last I read

Through the final few words

I couldn’t believe it

The way it HURT

Like a part of me

Was wrenched away

Like I could never be

Again this way


The Thirty-Seventh Byte


Because of Taylor’s win at the national writing contest, the whole family is flying in to New York for a whole three days for the awards ceremony!! And I’M not invited!!!!! Can you IMAGINE someone doing something so OUTRAGEOUS???????? How can one NOT invite me????????

In the previous post, I mentioned being happy about Taylor receiving such a prestigious award. Now, I can clearly see that all it really brings is TROUBLE. TROUBLE and a whole bunch of STINKING luck.

Now, not only will I be deprived of playing on the iPad [my second love, after food, but catching up quickly] for THREE days [mum made it very clear over breakfast this morning that she will be taking the tablet along with her and snapping photos of this “triumphant moment in the Skarr family’s history”] but I will also be dumped at Grandma and Grandpa’s humble abode.

Their house ain’t SO bad. It’s quite comfy, actually, and if I display my eyes cutely enough, Grandma rushes to the kitchen and fetches me a nice, meaty bone. The real reason why I’m unhappy because of this plan is because I REALLY want to go to NY, partly because I’ve never been out of the state before.

AND, if I REALLY want to become a global sensation, I’ve heard that NYC is a good place to start my career.

This sucks. This REALLY sucks. So I’m going to help myself to that rich plum cake in the fridge. I know it is out of bounds because they are saving it for when the Hamilton’s come over for dinner on the sixteenth, but I don’t care. Maybe this shock will unscramble their minds and they’ll take me with them after all!

And then when I become rich and famous [and end up saving thousands of people from killing themselves because my inspiring music will teach them the true value the gift of life], I can gift them a part of my billions as a token of my appreciation for taking me with them for Taylor’s awards banquet and indirectly getting my career rolling.

See?? I’m doing it [eating the cake] for a good cause, really. You don’t get more saintly than me, you don’t. Now, time to go set my jaws on something SWEET [and change the world in the process]!

P.S: Don’t try contacting me for the next four hours. I will be too busy munching on the sweet delicacy.


The Thirty-Fifth Set Of Paragraphs

To apologise for the lame title, I have written ANOTHER poem. This one is about the iPad, the SECONDE love of my life. Take a look;

The iPad

It s glowing screen

Sends shivers down my spine

Oh enchanting iPad

Let me make you mine!

With an aquamarine case

And apps sublime

I patiently sit and

Wait for the time

When I can sneak up

With my teeth gnarling

And get set to

Own you, my darling

Oh what I’d do

To get my paws on you

And spend hours on end


On the newest Apple trend

You are mine

There is no other

But when it’s time to part

I think ‘stuff and bother!’

The pesky sisters two*

Are unaware of my devotion

To you

But what can’t be helped

Can’t be helped

And what can be felt

Can be felt

So I ask you

iPad, my love

Can you by the grace

Of the Lord above

Feel my heart

Throbbing, throbbing

My whole body

Sobbing, sobbing

My mind

Mobbing, mobbing

For you??

It is a marvellous piece, isn’t it?? Like music to one’s ears. I have to say, this poem thing is getting quite addictive. Sure, I have just penned down two of them [in record time, I must add] but I just began yesterday.

Who knows how many more rhymes I will have added to my collection by tomorrow afternoon??

Which reminds me, it’s almost twelve and I STILL haven’t been fed my lunch. And today is my favorite food-day, because I get biryani [an Indian specialty] and a generous serving of yogurt slopped on top. Yum!

Duty calls, dear reader. This post isn’t exactly long, but at least it crosses the three-hundred word boundary. Plus, I have intensely researched on long blog posts [okay, maybe the ‘intense-research’ bit was more like ‘I-read-more-than-two-posts-that-crossed-the-thousand-word-barrier’ but who in their right minds would ‘intensely research on the aforementioned topic?? Except so-called professors of ‘literature.’ It takes more than degrees and PhD’s to make a man!!] and figured that they are BO-ring!

Anyway, as I said before, duty calls. Ta Ta for now, Dear Reader!!

P.S: If you are one of them grouchy-typed and is STILL not satisfied with the length of this entry, don’t blow a nerve. I have posted a video below. Check it out. [It will take a while to finish. Precisely 2:11 minutes. Enjoy!]