It's A Dog's Life · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Imagine Me Naked

I was casually minding my own business while stalking Karlie Kloss on Instagram yesterday evening when I happened to overhear my own MOTHER [well, foster mother] on the phone with one of her baking buddies.

What’s that?? There’s nothing scandalous about chatting up casual acquaintances??

Absolutely. I agree with you completely.

UNLESS you’re calling them up to nonchalantly tell them that you’re planning to SHAVE YOUR DOG!! ESPECIALLY if the aforementioned dog has NO IDEA about this to-be drastic change in her presently-perfect appearance.

I got such a shock when I heard this that I was forced to close all the open social media tabs at once [well, after reading through a few more captions and liking one or two more photos] and proceeded to promptly faint at the foot of the family study table [as quietly as I could manage it, because, being a dog, I’m naturally not supposed to be using the computer and hearing a loud thud from the forbidden study caused by my fainting would surely raise a few unwanted questions].

I mean, REALLY, imagine me naked!! Well, not naked but as close as you can get to that being a dog. I’ll be furless and shivering [hey, the summer can get frosty too!!] and the laughing stock of the entire town…

Oh my GANDOLF, the humiliation!!

If only I were Karlie Kloss, strutting the runway sporting the best clothes in the whole world, flaunting my flawless cheekbones on my insanely popular Instagram page, my life devoid of fur-related problems…

Just my luck!!

Ramblings · Take TWO · Thoughts · Woof Humor

Twinsies

It has just occurred to me that Hermione Jean Granger [yes, THE phenomenally intelligent and FABULOUS Hermione Jean Granger from the Harry Potter franchise] could potentially, just about, maybe, kind of be my TWIN SISTER!! YES!!

Like, what do we NOT have in common?? Well, except for the fact that I am a -you know- DOG and she is a -you know- human being and all.

Except for that.

I mean. it’s not like I don’t absolutely ADORE her already, and don’t twin sisters do that?? Unconditionally love each other, I mean. All stable relationships are based on mutual adoration, and I’m 100% sure that once she sets her GORGEOUS auburn eyes on my being, her heart will melt and her brain will go wonky and it will be LOVE at first sight.

Here are the reasons we are TOTALLY long-lost twin sisters:

1. We’re both female [and, OK, I’m a bitch and she’s a witch -SEE?? WE EVEN RHYME!!- and that’s probably a deal-breaker in most twin-verification-cases or whatever, but we’re MAGIC, remember?? ANYTHING is possible when you’re magic]

2. We’re both CRAZY for Ron Weasley [although I’m more of a fangirl and she’s more of his wife]

3. We’re both 25 years old [At least I will be. In another 20 years]

4. We both go gaga over Krispy Kreme [She hasn’t really MENTIONED how she’s totally besotted with KK, but I KNOW -thanks to how our brains are telepathically linked and I can hear her innermost thoughts and feelings- that she loves nothing more than sinking her flawless incisors into 6-inches of sugary, bread with a hole]

5. We… Um… Like, Hermy and I…

OK, so that’s all I can come up with, but 4 solid points right off the bat is NOTHING to be ashamed of. This life-changing revelation barely hit me a 20 minutes ago and I already have proof to back it up??

Well done, doggy. Well done.