Woof Humor

The Hundred and Ninth Fact

Here’s a quick piece of information: Cats and Dogs?? Yeah, they pretty much hate each other.

Which leads to my NEXT piece of information: Cats and Dogs?? Yeah, it’d be DOWNRIGHT STUPID to try to ask them to LIVE TOGETHER. PERMANENTLY.

Which is why, based on those two, very accurate bits of knowledge, I an conclude that: I live with a psychotic family.

Because, just when I started thinking to myself Hey, congratulations!! You’ve hit ROCK BOTTOM and there’s no way to proceed but UP, UP, UP!! My father comes along and indirectly assures me that if I dig hard enough, there is a way to penetrate the rock at the bottom.

Which, just FYI, is NOT a good thing.

My whole life, I knew that there would be a point when I’d reach a situation that TOTALLY sucked. From every possible angle. And that there’d be no way out of it except to persevere. And, I believed that, as soon as I waited long enough and got out of the rut, there would be no other option but to shoot to world fame and eternal glory.

[Which should give you an idea of exactly how messed up the internal working of my brain really are]

Naturally, when the cat came to stay for a short holiday, I assumed that I’d reached the place I’d been dreading my whole life, and I was kept alive and running only by the knowledge that at the end of the whole escapade, I would be mentioned along the lines of Beyonce and Oprah.

OBVIOUSLY, that didn’t happen. Instead of catching late night tequila shots with Gwen Stefani, I got my father casually asking me whether I’d like the cat to stay. FOREVERMORE.

I was so shocked, I almost puked in my mouth.  Having the cat stay for a few weeks is torture enough. But for the rest of my life?! I’d rather be put of a  long lasting NON-FAT TOFU [if there is such a thing] diet.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?? Why can’t the Gods just made me a superstar already?? It’s not like I’m not destined to be one, anyway.

Uncategorized

The Twenty Second Article

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what?!!? Remember that “construction” that was going on on the front lawn?? I was eavesdropping as hard as I could at Grandma and Mum’s conversation after breakfast this morning, and I have CRACKED it!! I know what is going to be built!!!! Oh, and it’s worth not being able to use the loo for the next few days [sorry, insider joke]. Anyway, I have managed to store most of the chat inside here >points to thick skull< and so, you, Dearest Reader, will be kept in suspense about the puzzling development a little longer.  Here we go;

Mum: The girls [I hope “girls” includes me!] are going to LOVE it!!

Grandma: They’ve been wanting it for quite a while now. I’m glad the construction has already begun and is in full swing.

Mum: Yes, it is a relief that the work has started after all this time. 

Grandma: Feni will love it too, won’t you my little girl?? [Here, Grandma looks at me with an adoring smile]

Mum: I guess she’s been wanting it for a while too, haven’t you dear?? 

Me: >Looks at mum with eyes that said ‘What’s going on??’

Mum: Aww, I think she likes it. Look at her grateful expression.

Grandma: A sweeter thing there never was. 

Mum: Oh, have you heard about the rise in market prices?? 

From her, the conversation gets real boring but I was SO happy about finally finding out what was going to be built that I didn’t care!! You HAVE figured it out, haven’t you?? Well, if you haven’t let me tell you. They have GOT to be planning to set up a swimming pool!!!!! My sisters have been wanting one from the time they were BORN [well, [practically] and I would love one too, wouldn’t I?? [Though if mum and dad ARE planning to make one on the front lawn, I guess it will be a wee bit smaller than they would have expected. But who CARES, right??]

I have to go check out the progress, Dearest Reader, but I will be back with updates.

Yours,

Feni the Dawg