It's A Dog's Life · Ramblings · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Health Advisory

The family is going for yet ANOTHER foreign holiday. To SINGAPORE [which, by the way, just so happens to be my ultimate favorite destination EVER -and I know I said that about Thailand and Italy and Dubai and all, but I REALLY mean it this time].

This brings up many questions and concerns that I need to notify them about, such as;

  1. Isn’t it illegal in the United States of America to travel out of the country for a vacation WITHOUT your dog [if it isn’t illegal, then isn’t it about time it SHOULD be]??
  2. They’ve been for 4 foreign trips in 1 week [or something like that], not to mention the numerous domestic journeys they’ve made in the past month. Isn’t it unhealthy to be travelling so much?? I mean, haven’t they read that article in -um- British Vogue about how excessive exposure to the -ahem- radiation in aeroplanes causes -cough- Klonberitis?? Hello?? How IGNORANT could you GET?? Am I the only one in this darn family who cares about staying safe from atmospheric radiation??
  3. They’re just going around recklessly spending all that moolah that I am going to need for much greater uses in a few years time [such as hiring 71 bodyguards to protect me from from my legions of fans -not to mention the hounding paparazzi- who will be desperate to catch a glimpse of me, their ruler -hey, being a blogging dog is kind of a rare thing!!]

Do you need more reasons why Mom and Dad should either 1. NOT go to Singapore or 2. Go to Singapore WITH ME?? Because, let me assure you, I’ve got TONS.

Take TWO · Woof Humor

Birthday=Cake

Taylor turned 14 today and the only reasons this affects me in the least are;

  1. Like it or not, she’s my -well- sister and I was forced by my conscience [WHY do have to be such a decent¬†person dog??] to be extra-nice to her today [i.e, NOT burp in her face when she bends down to pet me].
  2. Birthdays ALWAYS mean cake and cake ALWAYS means guests and guests ALWAYS leave Mom distracted and Mom being distracted ALWAYS means I can snatch a couple mouthfuls of the aforementioned cake when nobody’s looking.

Also, general festivity ALWAYS makes me happy so win-win ūüėÄ

Ramblings · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Lightbulb!!

It has just occurred to me that the only reason humans claim that delicacies like chocolate and cake and chocolate cake are “bad” for animals is because they want to have it all to themselves!!

Think about it; when has something so bad ever felt so good [yes, I am using Krypteria lyrics to describe cake and that should give you an idea of how strongly I feel about this issue]?? Sure, there’s drugs and cigarettes and Netflix-binges. But have ANY of them ever felt as great as it feels to just sink your teeth into a red velvet cupcake [especially when you’re starving]??

I think not.

Which makes it all the more PREPOSTEROUS that humans have turned them into a sort of forbidden fruit for the rest of us. I mean, the only way I can get a taste of Mom’s famous moist chocolate cake is by grabbing the odd bite here and there from other people’s plates. Not that¬†I¬†do that, or anything. I’m just saying that that’s the kind of stunt we, as animals, have to pull-off just to get our tummies filled.

Which, just FYI, TOTALLY sucks.

It's A Dog's Life · Take TWO

We’ll Take This Way Too Far [What The Minion??]

This morning, I was innocently going through my Internet feed when I saw this;

Image result for Minions Are going too far

Trying [and failing miserably] to shield my eyes from the horror, I scrolled down as fast as humanely possible only to be terrorized by this;

Image result for Minions Are going too far

Obviously thinking that the worst was over, I sifted through a few more articles about “Cures for Cancer” and “Solutions to End World Hunger” [whatever that means], when I discovered THIS;

Embedded image permalink

Now, if your eyeballs haven’t already shriveled up and popped out of their sockets after those startling [to say the least] pictures, I want you to read this, and read it carefully;

ENOUGH OF THIS YELLOW MADNESS!!

Seriously, this whole Minion thing is going WAY to far. Not only is the Internet now plagued with countless Minion memes, but everything from tattoos to posters to breath mints are now being modeled after their slimy, sickening faces [and NO, that is NOT me being jealous on account of the fact that mumbling dumplings of ochre are getting way more attention and affection that ME, the worlds first and only blogging dog. Envy?? ABSOLUTELY not].

I’m just going to go lie down, now. I owe a few hours of darkness to my retina that have just burned off thanks to the pages and pages of shocking yellow. Yeurgh. Who ever made them LEGAL?!

Review · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Movie Review: Inside Out

So I went to watch Pixar’s latest blockbuster Inside Out in the multiplex yesterday and it was FAB FAB FAB!!

A HA!!

That was just a test to see whether you were paying attention an squealed out “BUT YOU COULDN’T HAVE GONE TO THE MULTIPLEX BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT EVEN HUMAN, FENI!!” I mean, I am a DOG, a fur-shedding, Pedigree-eating, dung-loving dog, who DEFINITELY isn’t allowed in the fancy cinema downtown. I’m barely allowed in my OWN home, forget a plush theater.

Anyway, the truth is we bought the glossy DVD from MegaView, made a bowl of buttery popcorn [well, I got stuck with a few scruffy bones, but no complaints] and then settled in for an hour and a half of animated nonsense.

Or so I expected.

What followed blew my mind, for various reasons. One being that I didn’t really expect it to amount to anything. Sure, there’d be a few catchy songs thrown in ¬†that everyone will hum for the next week or so, maybe even a Top 10 Billboard hit.

What I didn’t see coming was a thought-provoking, beautifully crafted film with something for everybody; colorful animations for the kids, #sorelatable moments for the tweens, subtle chuckles for the adults… There were funny bits, triumphant bits, happy bits, tear jerking bits, sad bits, reminiscent bits…

What more could you ask for??

The [SPOILER ALERT!! You have been warned] cute little Riley flashbacks scattered throughout were my favorite scenes, as were the ones with Ding Dong. Oh, and just about every single minute with Sadness. And Disgust, my, my!! And ANGER!! Ooh, and wasn’t Panic exactly like that one best friend we all have?? And-

BASICALLY, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing. It’s fun, refreshing and a new concept that’s magnificently portrayed. I would DEFINITELY recommend watching it, be it at your place or a glitzy theater or the Internet.

HOWEVER [there’s always a “however,” isn’t there??], I have to state that the way they finished Ding Dong off was REALLY shocking¬†-in a bad way. I personally believe that a character¬†as well developed and important as Ding Dong was¬†deserves a more “proper” farewell. Sure, it was noble and sacrificing and all, but seeing him tumble into the depths of The Pit Of No-Return was truly heartbreaking and brought tears to my eyes.

Also, Joy ditching Sadness and DD to rush back to the HQ is COMPLETELY out of character. Sure, she may care more about Riley’s happiness than life itself, but abandoning them like that wasn’t at all like the optimistic, problem-solving Joy that we had made acquaintance with half an hour ago.

HOWEVER [another one of those?? Like as if one isn’t bad enough], I would still chalk this movie up as one of the Top 5 Animated Movies I Have Ever Watched In My Entire Life [which isn’t saying much, considering how I’ve probably only watched about 3. But still. It’s the thought that counts, right??].

It's A Dog's Life · Ramblings · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Get Your Chillax On

Mom and Dad are scheduled to arrive back at the house on the 5th, and I’m trying to enjoy these last few days of absolute freedom to the fullest [lounging on the sofa, raiding the Pedigree¬†jar, peeing on Dad’s brand new garden equipment… That sort of thing]. The kids are going to stay on at Summer Camp for a couple more weeks, but, to be honest, when my liberty is concerned, their presence doesn’t really make a difference. Sure, I seem to spend a lot more hours being belly-rubbed when they’re around, but except for that, whether they’re in the house¬†or not doesn’t alter¬†my¬†agenda [which is what matters most, at the end of the day].

Don’t blame me when I’m utterly down in the dumps when the ‘rents come back home because I’ll have to trade freedom for responsibility, unlimited kibble for yucky broccoli, jumping on the sofa set for huddling for an iota of warmth on that scruffy rug they call my “bed…” Face it,¬†I DESERVE a little mope-time.

Ma- Whoops, the reminder I set for¬†Impractical Jokers¬†is buzzing. Ciao for Now!! [Isn’t that a catchy lil’ farewell?? I should use it more often…]