It's A Dog's Life

Merry Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve!

I was casually minding my business earlier this morning when it suddenly hit me that we are four days from Christmas. FOUR DAYS!!

Are you KIDDING ME?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! WHY DIDN’T I GET THE MEMO??

I mean, I still have SO MUCH TO DO!! There are candy canes to mass order, Christmas cakes to smuggle, Netflix Holiday specials to binge-watch…

Time to get my elf on!

 

Woof Humor

The Forty-Ninth Message [Christmas]

YYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, oh yeah, I’m famous, I’m famous.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST. DAY. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is Christmas. And BOY has it been AWESOME. I got decent gifts; a new Jasmine-scented shampoo, a minty bar of soap, a pack of deluxe blueberry chews and two sparkling, bejeweled sets of collars and chains that are going to be the envy of the block.

But the thing that makes me want to jump out of my chair, screaming like I have ants in my pants [not that that would ever happen because, um, I don’t exactly HAVE any pants] is… Wait, remember that poem I wrote, Lego House?? -If you haven’t read it, click here for the post!- And remember how I assured you that it was so HAWT that celebs would be clambering for rights to sing it??

Well, I may as well consider prediction-guru as a career option becasue, VOILA!! The EXACT SAME scenario I predicted came true!!! Well, not EXACT, but…

ED SHEERAN USED MY LYRICS TO COME UP WITH A EXTEREMLY SUCCESSFUL SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has got to be the best Christmas present EVER!! I mean, it will be no time at all before Ed Sheeran walks up on stage to collect the MTV music award for best song for Lego House and in his dedication speech, he will say, ‘I would have loved to say that I deserve this. But I don’t. The REAL star tonight is none other than blogging sensation, Feni the Dawg!!’ And the stadium will errupt with applause and cheers as I stride in in mum’s stiletto’s [she won’t mind if I borrow it just for the night -right?] and take the music industry by a storm.

All this future-talk has got me hungry. Time to munch on those blueberry chews! [Unless its too fatty. I can’t possibly walk up on stage and receive my best lyrics award if my tummy bulges out of my frock, now can I??]

Woof Humor

The Forty-Eighth Snippet

Today is Christmas Eve. Everybody in the house [including the little mouse -with ”Jerry” on his nametag [I know, right?!??!]- who lives in that creepy hole by the kitchen] has gone into a gift wrapping frenzy. Barbies, DVDs, novels, designer jeans, Mars bars… The variety is mind-boggling.

I hope the family doesn’t expect ME to give the anything in return, because I can’t. My liquid assets have dried up and, unlike my human-sibling, I can’t rely on an overly generous Grandma to slip my a few quid. So, instead of buying them extravagant sweaters that they’re never going to use, I will write them a letter, stating that from now on, I won’t:

1] Cling onto the female guests legs as soon as they enter, thus causing tem to topple over and give me sufficient time to check out their underwear color.

2] Tread onto the expensive Persian rug as soon as it comes back from the has dry-cleaners

3] Burp and fart right when they are having their meals [seeing Taylor and Kathryn scrunch up their noses at the odour and scream ‘Gross!!’ is so darn comical!!]

4] Pee on dad’s proud collection on spades and rakes and all that kind of stuff

5] Bite Kathryn’s mini-skirts to shreds

The list goes on, but, looks like this is where I’ll have to stop, considering how I have to sue the loo REAL bad. Maybe I’ll pee on dad’s new mower one last time. Old habits die hard, they sure do.