For those of you who have ever -and I mean EVER- thought to yourselves “well, it’d sure be nice to be born a dog, wouldn’t it??”, I’d like to set the record straight and assure you that the life of a canine is, in fact, the EXACT OPPOSITE of “nice”.
Even if you push past the usual complains of not being able to speak, play Mario Kart or eat Chipotle [which are all soul-crushing in their own right], there’s the whole issue of privacy.
From the moment I wake up, my every move is observed and scrutinized by at least three different people and that’s not exactly the kind of attention I’m looking for.
Whether I’m snoozing or pooping or licking my you-know-what [three of my most-indulged-in activities, in that order], you can be sure that there’s at least one pair of nosy human eyes catching every movement [ha!! A “nosy pair of eyes”!! The English language is as strange as it is enchanting].
This is about as pleasant as it sounds [i.e, not pleasant at all] and I’d definitely like all this excessive attention to stop ASAP, thanks very much.
If you feel that it’s time animals are guaranteed the right to privacy and a stare-free poo, do take the time to sign the petition I put up in the hopes that we get together and change things – before it’s too late…