My wacko family has been acting really weird lately [even more so than usual, which is saying a lot]. Like they have some sort of secret plan to smuggle me to Rome and sell me fur to Italian drug dealers [what??].
I’m telling you, something’s going on, and I’ll bet my Uncle Ginger’s eyeball [the good one] that it’s got something to do with me. Hopefully, this is just me being egoistic and not the warning signs of a scheme to give me up for adoption to a muggle-born witch to keep as her pet companion when her drug-dealing husband goes out in search of innocent dogs to de-fur [WHAT??].