Book Review: Girl Online

I’m a huge Zoella fan. The HUGEST, in fact. I LOVE her vlogs and reckon her beauty hauls are to DIE for [although I’ve noticed she doesn’t cater much to the canine species. Um, RUDE much??]. So you can see why I was the first in line to buy her debut novel that hit the stands in 2014 [yes, this reviw is more than a tad late. But can you really blame me?? I have STUFF to do, OKAY?? It isn’t like this blog is the extent of my social life and that I sit at home and silently weep under the bed every Saturday night while everybody has gone out to party and I’m stuck at home because of my misfortune to be born as a bleeding LABRADOR. My life is NOTHING like that.


As I was saying, Zoe Sugg is one of the most influential people in my life [and it isn’t because I have no friends and all the people I “know” are YouTubers or movie stars who I Twitter-stalk. That is so NOT like me] so you can understand why I was a tad disappointed when I was all set to DEVOUR her novel…

…And had nothing to devour except clichéd characters, not-really-witty dialogue and a barely interesting plot. Sure, it was nice enough. Elliot [protagonist Penny Porter’s gay best friend -he HAD to be gay, didn’t he??] cracked a few sharp jokes here and there, Noah [aforementioned Penny’s love-interest] was described fairly well, the story itself wasn’t TOO bad…

Except it lacked consistency.

Just when I got to a part that I could read without cringing [or maybe even slightly ENJOYED], it was followed by a amateurish passage abundant with been-there-done-thats like the whirlwind romance between Penny and Noah, the inevitable BFF fallout, the terribly hurried make-up seen between P&N right at the very end… It was all so childish.

The first hundred pages of the book were bearable. Penny’s first day with Noah was also quite OK. But after that, it started going downhill at an alarmingly rapid pace. WHY OH WHY did Zoe, usually so sane and logical, have to add that bit where her Mom bagged another vacation-extending birthday-party gig in New York?? It made the whole thing WAY to make-believe.

And 10,00+ followers in one year for just writing about your latest clumsy [and perfectly normal] escapade?? PUH-lease.

On the whole, I’d give Girl Online two out of five vanilla-scented candles but only because I adore Zoe and refuse to let a combination of 26 alphabets get in the way of my admiration.


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