Ramblings · Take TWO · Woof Humor

Mom’s Day

So it’s that time of year again. You know, when you shower your Mom with love and Godvia chocolate only to throw tantrums and shout “You just DON’T UNDERSTAND” the next moment. Or, as the folks seem to be calling it nowadays, Mother’s Day.

Of course, being a dog, I’m more of an observer than a participant during these occasions. I’m never the person putting together a couple scraps of colored bits at the very last minute and claiming it’s a well thought-out card or [even worse] being on the receiver’s end and trying to muster a feeble smile while desperately struggling to appear grateful for the utterly CRAPPY haul you managed this year.

No WAY.

Both those roles require more patience and acting skills than I care to apply, and that is why [along with how I have four furry paws and am incapable of either making or being gifted vibrant cards without tearing them to shreds] while everyone attempts to make the day run as smoothly as possible, I can be seen reclining on the sofa with a virgin pina colada in one paw and a video recorder in the other, partly slurping my exotic beverage and partly recording the entire escapade so that I can post it on YouTube and embarrass a whole generation of Skarrs.

Just kidding. I can mostly be spotted somewhere on the floor, trying my best [and most probably failing] to be noticed. Sigh.

Anyway, back to the topic at paw [overdid it there, didn’t I??], I kind of expected the10th of this month to flow the same way as all the other ones before it; with kids squeaking and scrambling about the house in the wee hours of the morning, trying to salvage their pride and dignity [and, like me, most probably failing].

Boy, was I wrong.

Not only did the kids burst into their parent’s chamber at 12:00 AM on the DOT, present Mom with a self-created Lemon and Banana smoothie as well as a bunch of cute lil’ cards, they ALSO made their parents a four-course dinner followed by fairy-frosted, vanilla cupcakes [that THEY BAKED!! By THEMSELVES!! I don’t see how this is possible, considering how they’ve BOTH burned RAMEN NOODLES not so long ago, but I saw it with my own eyes] with color-coordinated candles that spelt “Mum.”

COLOR-COORDINATED CANDLES [an alliteration! Cool] THAT SPELT MUM.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THEM??

Now, thanks to how they’ve set the bar so high, merely being a “good girl” isn’t going to do it. Pooping when I’m being asked to [instead of waiting for Mom to start threatening me with a broccoli-exclusive diet] just doesn’t seem as great a Mother’s Day present anymore, mainly because it pales in comparison to GOURMET MUFFINS.

WHY CAN’T I HAVE NORMAL SISTERS??

They’re 11 and 13 year-olds, DAMNIT!! They should be rebelling and partying late into the night and forgetting all about their mother’ss feelings[like, I don’t know, NORMAL KIDS]. Instead, they’re baking scrumptious treats and setting unrealistic expectations for poor little doggies like me.

THIS SUCKS.

I’m going to go drown my sorrows in a few fairy-frosted vanilla cupcakes with color-coordinated candles. [Hey, just because I hate them doesn’t mean Taylor and Kathryn didn’t just bake the best things I have ever tasted]

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