Woof Humor

The Hundred and Thirty Sixth Priority Intervention

Humans!! I’ll never understand them!!

I was just SITTING there, minding my own business [well, one step away from performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the chicken-flavoured bone Mom slipped my way a few hours ago, to be precise] in the drawing room when Taylor stormed in, her hair flying about and her mouth set into a slash of determination [yeah, Eoin!! You just got ripped off by a DAWG!!].

So I just continued massacring my chew stick, not really interested in carrying out a conversation just yet [even though everyone else does most -okay, ALL- of the talking]. Suddenly, like a bomb that just EXPLODED IN MY FACE, Taylor sashayed towards me and placed her hands on her hips, like she was all that and a bag of chips. “Don’t, Feni!! Just… DON’T!! I do not have time for this, okay?? Why don’t you understand?? It’s like NOBODY is even paying ATTENTION to what I need nowadays!!”

So, OBVIOUSLY, I was all, “EHHH??” Because HELLO?? There I was, [not so] quietly sucking the face off a doggie treat when she just decides to waltz in and give me a earful like I’m some teenage daughter who spent too much money on football shorts or got detention for smart talking the math professor?? [Which, last time I checked, are BOTH offenses that she herself has been accused of] NOT OK, BRUH. NOT OK.

And I didn’t even get to the REALLY annoying part yet. Oh, no. Apparently, it wasn’t enough that she just humiliated me in front of my snack. Far from. Waving her hands all around like some air traffic controller working overtime, she began picking out all my flaws, starting from my bulging-around-the-corners figure to my lack of proper “regimented” exercise. “GURRL,” I wanted to retort, my eyes flashing feistily, “I’m not sure who DIED and made you Commander General of Condemning Those Who Are Lower Than Thyself, but CUT. IT. OUT.” Of course, I WOULD HAVE SAID IT, if not for my utter lack of vocal chords [which only function when I want to produce a menacing growl or two].

Anyway, Taylor seemed to read my fiery expression and started ranting about how “Nobody gets the stress of the exams, y’know. And that includes you, by the way” and “Why can’t you and everyone else just get over how acing my Geography paper is the most important thing on my list right now??”

Honestly, the first quote didn’t even matter, because who am I to judge the strain student are put through during quizzes and tests, considering how I’ve never sat for one myself [lucky me, eh?? Well, you try sulking about dark corners of the house, snogging Pedigree 24/7. Not as desirable as it sounds, trust me]. But the second comment really, and I mean REALLY, got to me. Did she just- Was she trying to- Was I hearing what I was HEARING?? DID SHE OR DID SHE NOT JUST SAY THAT A CRAPPY A+ ON A CRAPPIER TEST WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO HER THAN I AM?? ME, HER LOYAL SERVANT, DEVOTED BUDDY AND BEST BEST FRIEND?? ME, WHO’S ALWAYS READY TO POLISH OFF YOUR BROCCOLI [dogs don’t have very high standards for edible food. If it ain’t reeking or rotting, it’s fine] FOR HER?? SO WHAT UP, DUDE?? WHY THE SUDDEN HATE??

I mean, SURE, haters gonna’ hate and all, but this isn’t a REGULAR hater!! She’s my SISTER, the one in whom I can confide me deepest, darkest secrets!! The one whom I trusted and loved like a bag of Royal Canine!! So what do you think, loyal reader??

Should I straight-up tell Taylor that her behavior is not cool?? Or should I just pent it all up like I have been doing my whole life, thanks to the Gods of Biology and their freakish sense of humor?? Leave your opinion for me to read in the comments section and trust me, I will get back to you 😀

Oh, and I’m giving away five BMW i8s!! All you have to do to ensure participation in the lottery is perform a handstand on your neighbor’s lawn [with the sprinklers on] while wearing your Grandpa’s oldest overalls… JUST KIDDING!! I was only checking whether you were still paying attention. -Attempts An Evil-Witch Cackle Before Trailing Off In A Coughing Fit-

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5 thoughts on “The Hundred and Thirty Sixth Priority Intervention

  1. Amazing comeback, F!! Don’t fade away again, or I just might have to slit my wrists due to lack of comedy in my lyf 😛

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