Review · Woof Humor

The Hundred and Thirtieth Movie Review

DAY TWO: FROZEN [SQUEE!!!]

Let me start by saying; Gosh, that movie was HOT!! [The cruel irony of the film industry, eh??]

I couldn’t TEAR my eyes off the TV screen even for a short potty break. [yeah, I just said “potty”] I mean, SERIOUSLY. [OK, I said the “P” word in public. Now could you please get over it??] It was THAT great. [POTTY!!!! POTTY!!!! POTTY!!!!! Is THAT POTTYlicious enough for you?? You poop hating FREAKS!!!!!!]

-Let’s start this over-

Under usual circumstances, I would begin a movie review with maybe a few newspaper ratings and boring stats like the sold-out theatres, broken records, blah, blah, blah. But, let me remind you, there is NOTHING normal about Frozen, the SENSATIONAL animated Disney movie that won TWO Oscars at the 86th academy awards [there I go with the stats again].

From the moment the picture started, I was GLUED. My whole body tensed up, waiting for the next revelation. I had so many questions, and I was blood hungry for the answers.

The clothes were elegant, the story itself was quite interesting, the songs were catchy and fun to sing along to, [not that I have them on Replay or anything. Why would I?? Right??] it was very child-friendly and clean.

It WAS cliche, I’ll admit it. [Princess meets Prince. Princess falls in love with Price. Princess marries Prince. Princess meets Man Who Sells Ice. Man Who Sells Ice falls in love with Princess. Princess finds out that Prince is not in love with her and wants to take over her kingdom. Princess dumps Prince. Princess falls in love with Man Who Sells Ice. The End. -OK, it may not be THAT cliche…-] But it did have tons of original ideas. Like the Snowman, Olaf. [A personal favorite]

Although it was very, very good, I have a few doubts I want to clear with the script writers. I mean,

Why did Elsa have magic powers that she didn’t even want?? Couldn’t she somehow magically donate it to someone who actually cared two hoots whether they could shoot frost out of their hands?? [Like me??]

Why did Anna want Else back so badly?? Even after Elsa practically KILLED her at her ice-fort thingy. Yeah, this is a true demonstration of  a sister’s love and all, but when does this happen in REAL life?? [The place where dancing dollops of snow and rock-trolls don’t exist]

How on EARTH does Kristoff’s [A.K.A Man Who Sells Ice] reindeer live THAT long?? AND be so fit and healthy?????????

I’d love to go on, but Mum’s calling me in for lunch. Boy, am I starving!! And we’re having my favorite today; Food!! I’ll see you later, Reader. Oh, and FOLLOW!!!!!

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