Woof Humor

The Hundred and Seventh Relief

Thank HEAVENS. The C-A-T* is only a temporary member of the family. She’s Dad’s colleague’s wife’s brother-in-law’s nephew’s pet and, as they are going on a world cruise, they decided that they’d dump their gruesome feline at our place.

The only thing better than waking up to discover that a C-A-T* has been added to your family for the time being is waking up to discover that a C-A-T* has been added to your family forEVER. My blood curdles just thinking about it.

Imagine seeing a C-A-T* at the foot of your dining table first thing in the morning, ever single morning for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. The only thing scarier would be watching Paranormal Activity 4 when you’re home alone.

Temporary or not, the presence of this measly excuse of an animal is starting to bug me. Just because it doesn’t like any flavor other than beeping tuna, why do I have to go through shovels of fish for MY meals??

WHY can’t my family loosen their purse strings for ONCE IN THEIR LIVES and order me a nice, deluxe meal from the gourmet dog restaurant across the street?? I’m telling you, it is sheer TORTURE to see pampered pooches being chauffeured into the place by their filthy rich owners on a daily basis.

If THEY can have “rich, creamy slices of steak garnished with avocado and lime” WHY CAN’T I?!?!? They aren’t BETTER than me, right?? I mean, do they have blogs with GLOBAL FAN-FOLLOWINGS?? Are they CAPABLE of THINKING?? DO THEY KNOW HOW TO FLUFFING TYPE????????????

I can assure you, they most certainly do NOT.

SO WHHYY????????? WHHYY MEEEEE?????????? [And I am not typing each letter twice because my paw keeps slipping thanks to the tears that are gushing from my blood-shot eyes. I’m doing it for dramatic effect, of course]

_____________

*I’ve refrained from using certain words throughout the duration of the post and have utilized their spellings instead to avoid political disturbance [C-A-T’s can’t READ, you know -they’re SO stupid- Hey, if you think about it, I’m the stupid one here. If they can’t read in the first place, why have I bothered to SPELL THE WORDS OUT?? My idiocy baffles the mind, it really does].

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