Woof Humor

The Eighty-Seventh Problem

I probably should have thought the whole thing through before sending that eMail, because NOW, I have to find a top hat big enough to fit, like, seventy-eight million little chits so I can pick one random winner.  [At least Mom and Dad have taken the girls and gone for a weekend retreat and left me to my own devices -except for the neighbour who lets herself in, fills my water and food bowls and tries to persuade me to go for walks with her. Doesn’t she see that I have more pressing issues to deal with than my on-the-verge-of-exploding bowels??-. I wonder how they will react when the arrive and see their house chock-full of paper…] Grrrr, this is SO frustrating!!

I wish I could go back in time and undo the whole B-Dawg thing. I realize now that it was a terrible mistake, even though I DID manage to dish out life-changing advice without which my readers would dispair.

At least there is ONE perk.

I just never even dreamed that my advice column would become SO popular. I certainly didn’t see THESE kind of numbers. I mean, if you told me a few days ago that I would  get nearly a million replies to my advert on the 13th, I would have strongly suggested that you got yourself admitted into a lunatic asylum first thing tomorrow. But now… But now that seems like the most  normal thing in the world.

And the most tiring.

How am I ever going to get all this work done?? I definitely need an agent to coordinate all my social events and take care of trivial stuff like lotteries that I am going to have to arrange for my fans.

And a personal secretary to take care of all the calls and eMails that are pouring in like nobody’s business nowadays.

And a physical fitness coach to give me tips and pointers on how to reduce my waistline [do you know that my hips are twice as large as that of my human father’s??]

And a gourmet chef to whip up snacks whenever I please.

No wonder I am am so exhausted when I go to bed nowadays; I’m doing the work of FOUR grown men!!

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