I have absolutely NO IDEA how I’m going to select one single, solitary person from the masses who have declared that they’d be interested in sabotaging the rest of their life by agreeing to dedicate the rest of their time on earth as a major know-it-all.
Maybe I’ll have a “Let’s See Who Can Eat The Most Donuts” contest, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with writing, because who doesn’t love donuts??
On the other hand, maybe I should just stick to the most basic elimination scheme of them all and ask everyone to send in their names, addresses and the reason why they think they’re good enough to be, well, ME.
On the other hand, what about the TENS OF THOUSANDS of kids who will be rejected?? After all, I can choose only ONE B-Dawg, can’t I?? I mean, what is even the point of an anonymous columnist if “it” isn’t even anonymous?!!??!!???
All these questions, all these demands, all these pressures are going to be the end of me. I think that I REALLY need a holiday, not just my alter ego!!