Woof Humor

The Seventy-Sixth Declaration

Little did  know it at the time, but agreeing to go on this vacation was one of the smartest moves I’ve ever made!! I’m feasting on home-made vanilla ice cream every day, we have the most exotic meals at open-air restaurants, my tan is getting on nicely… What more could a dog ask for, really??

I’ve made quite a few friends too. There’s Karli and Kevin who are living in the villa next to ours. They’re AMAZINGLY energetic [but, then again, every other dog seems “amazingly energetic” to me, thanks to my amazingly flabby belly] and have the shiniest coat I’ve ever seen on a dog [except mine, of course]. Then there’s that pesky cat who wipes off any leftover food we leave unattended in the kitchen. Oh, and [how could I forget??] Rascal, the little mouse that lives under the bed. He’s my holiday-BFF. Last night, he brought a chunk of cheese for me to eat. Wasn’t that sweet??

I’m getting along nicely. I’m beginning to feel that I’ve wasted half my life sitting at home like a mourning widow. I’ve got the world to explore, baby, and it doesn’t help that I go to approximately ONE holiday per THREE YEARS. It’s time I become President and write up another law; every animal on the planet [except any member of the cat species] is entitled to at least SEVENTY domestic vacations and TWENTY overseas ones. That’ll sow ‘em!!

You know another thing that I’ve discovered?? I have a passion for surfboarding!! I discovered this talent quite by accident, really. We were at the beach [which, Taylor told me later, was a fake-beach in an amusement park] and I was splashing about in the water when this plank o’ wood came floating by and I thought to myself, ‘Feni, why don’t you step on that log like the little hillbillys in the movies??’ And so I did. AND SO I DID!!!

I was AMAZING on the waves. I could surf better than three fourths of the guys there. And I was the only one who survived the “Shaker Wave” which is programmed to occur once in two hours. Man, it’s huge, about thirty feet high, and the feeling that comes over you once you’ve tackled it can only be explained as euphoria.

We still have about four days left here and I am pleased as a pie. Wouldn’t it be sad if we were supposed to leave TOORROW?? If you think about it, it would be terribly wise of my foster-parents to allow us stay on here for the rest of our lives. What’s NOT to like?? All the rooms [even three of the bathrooms] are air conditioned, the scenery is breathtaking and there are so many places to visit, you could stay here for forty years and still have unexplored areas.

I think when I’m reincarnated as a human being, I’ll come live here. Only problem is, I have NO IDEA where we are, except for the fact that it has WAY good pizzas… Time to get googling!!


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