Woof Humor

The Fifty-Eighth Capsule

I’m sorry about “the outburst.” I was just really, really, REALLY upset. But how  would YOU like a…

There I go again. Getting all hot and bothered. Anyway, I am now going to behave like the rationaldog that I am and explain what exactly happened on that fateful day from an unbiased point of view.

OK. Where do I begin??

Ah, what about from the moment Mum [dear, darling little Mum] asked me whether I’d be interested  in going for  a short walk in the  evening.

Of course, being the enthu  cutlet [that is slang for “way too hyper doggie”] that I am, how could I refuse this opportunity to explore the great outdoors some more??

[That is a lie. The only reason I really had even the slightest objection to sleep the day away was because by around six o clock in the evening [when you’ve slept for approximately ten hours] your hind paws [I mean, legs, of course] just STOP functioning. I don’t really know a better way to put this, but everything  just goes absolutely numb and this peculiar sensation just travels through your whole body, so you are forced to sleep some more. I, for one, have no objection to THIS side effect, but the trouble begins when the family notices that you haven’t budged since breakfast. Of course, they get the crazy idea to cart you to the vet for a check-up and, believe me when I say this, there is hardly anything as embarrassing as being hauled to the doctor’s [by four gasping family members] with a pair of paws that stick out like strands on a bad hair day. Okay, this is  probably the longest bracket note in the history of blogging dogs, so I think I’m gonna get on with the story now]

Well, i waited patiently as Taylor clipped on my special studded leash and then the five of us set off and I felt so happy and carefree that maybe, just maybe, if I hadn’t suddenly gotten the urge to empty my bowels, that evening would’ve gone down as one of the happiest days of my entire  life.

But NOOOOOOO… Duh, my family SO OBVIOUSLY can’t grant me a single HOUR of ecstasy, can they?? Because just as I squatted  down to perform  daily business, Kathryn produced a camera out of NOWHERE and three clicks later, my life was changed FOREVER. The first click was to snap a photo of me while I was… Well, doing IT. The second click was to tap the Facebook icon and the  third click was when she tapped the option, “share.”

To give them credit, Mum and Dad DID tell her that what she did was despicable and that she should remove the  image from the everlasting clutches of cyberspace immediately. But even that doesn’t erase the  fact that the both of them spent a good half an hour giggling over the  same photo.

Remember that time when I stated that leaving me home alone  with their sickly relative Aunt Martha was just about the most humiliating incident that has ever happend to me?? Well, I eat my words, because  if I have  to single out one event that was THE most embarrassing of them all, then this one totally takes the  biscuit.

Totally.

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