BAD news. REAL BAD news. ABSOLUTELY, MAGNIFICENTLY, ENORMOUSLY BAD news.
Because of Taylor’s win at the national writing contest, the whole family is flying in to New York for a whole three days for the awards ceremony!! And I’M not invited!!!!! Can you IMAGINE someone doing something so OUTRAGEOUS???????? How can one NOT invite me????????
In the previous post, I mentioned being happy about Taylor receiving such a prestigious award. Now, I can clearly see that all it really brings is TROUBLE. TROUBLE and a whole bunch of STINKING luck.
Now, not only will I be deprived of playing on the iPad [my second love, after food, but catching up quickly] for THREE days [mum made it very clear over breakfast this morning that she will be taking the tablet along with her and snapping photos of this “triumphant moment in the Skarr family’s history”] but I will also be dumped at Grandma and Grandpa’s humble abode.
Their house ain’t SO bad. It’s quite comfy, actually, and if I display my eyes cutely enough, Grandma rushes to the kitchen and fetches me a nice, meaty bone. The real reason why I’m unhappy because of this plan is because I REALLY want to go to NY, partly because I’ve never been out of the state before.
AND, if I REALLY want to become a global sensation, I’ve heard that NYC is a good place to start my career.
This sucks. This REALLY sucks. So I’m going to help myself to that rich plum cake in the fridge. I know it is out of bounds because they are saving it for when the Hamilton’s come over for dinner on the sixteenth, but I don’t care. Maybe this shock will unscramble their minds and they’ll take me with them after all!
And then when I become rich and famous [and end up saving thousands of people from killing themselves because my inspiring music will teach them the true value the gift of life], I can gift them a part of my billions as a token of my appreciation for taking me with them for Taylor’s awards banquet and indirectly getting my career rolling.
See?? I’m doing it [eating the cake] for a good cause, really. You don’t get more saintly than me, you don’t. Now, time to go set my jaws on something SWEET [and change the world in the process]!
P.S: Don’t try contacting me for the next four hours. I will be too busy munching on the sweet delicacy.