Here Is A Thought On A Wednesday

It has just occurred to me that Hermione Jean Granger [yes, THE phenomenally intelligent and FABULOUS Hermione Jean Granger from the Harry Potter franchise] could potentially, just about, maybe, kind of be my TWIN SISTER!! YES!!

Like, what do we NOT have in common?? Well, except for the fact that I am a -you know- DOG and she is a -you know- human being and all.

Except for that.

I mean. it’s not like I don’t absolutely ADORE her already, and don’t twin sisters do that?? Unconditionally love each other, I mean. All stable relationships are based on mutual adoration, and I’m 100% sure that once she sets her GORGEOUS auburn eyes on my being, her heart will melt and her brain will go wonky and it will be LOVE at first sight.

Here are the reasons we are TOTALLY long-lost twin sisters:

1. We’re both female [and, OK, I’m a bitch and she’s a witch -SEE?? WE EVEN RHYME!!- and that’s probably a deal-breaker in most twin-verification-cases or whatever, but we’re MAGIC, remember?? ANYTHING is possible when you’re magic]

2. We’re both CRAZY for Ron Weasley [although I’m more of a fangirl and she’s more of his wife]

3. We’re both 25 years old [At least I will be. In another 20 years]

4. We both go gaga over Krispy Kreme [She hasn’t really MENTIONED how she’s totally besotted with KK, but I KNOW -thanks to how our brains are telepathically linked and I can hear her innermost thoughts and feelings- that she loves nothing more than sinking her flawless incisors into 6-inches of sugary, bread with a hole]

5. We… Um… Like, Hermy and I…

OK, so that’s all I can come up with, but 4 solid points right off the bat is NOTHING to be ashamed of. This life-changing revelation barely hit me a 20 minutes ago and I already have proof to back it up??

Well done, doggy. Well done.

My Best Mistake [Pt. 2]

OK, so a whole entire week after I published the first part, I’ve FINALLY found time to upload the second half of my [not so] EPIC, [not at ALL] RECORD BREAKING [you have GOT to be kidding me] “Best Mistake” Saga. Here we go;

MY BEST MISTAKE

Would her unique ability to write be uncovered??

Would she be send to a lab??

Would they test and retest her until

They decoded her gift of the gab??

She pondered, mused, discussed with herself,

Until ANOTHER fateful noon,

When she realised that stressing WASN’T going to help,

She had to stop it, and soon!!

So this very dog who was once content,

Ste out to be happy once more,

Seeked solace in writing and dreaming and such,

And shooed her worry out the door.

And even though this very blog,

Was once the cause of her frown,

It also helped her when she needed it most,

Picked her up when she was down.

La Fin!

My Best Mistake [Pt. 1]

In honor of International Screw-Up Day [is that a thing yet??], I have written a deep, philosophical ode, dedicated to all the canines out there who can comprehend the Queen’s Language and proceed to blog all about their daily escapades but are unable to actually voice their opinion thanks to their impossibly flabby tongues [so, yeah, dedicated to just me].

MY BEST MISTAKE

Three years ago, on this very day,

This very dog decided,

That she would start this very blog,

Every rule she abided.

She read every single lousy term,

And each boaring condition,

Her password she made VERY strong,

[It’s NOT @123IwaNtReCogNitiOn]

She didn’t use her real name,

Used “WoofDiaries” instead,

And she thought about it every morn,

And every night, in bed.

She thought about what she might write,

On her blog the next day,

She thought about her few followers,

And passed her time this way!

And, it must be said, she was content,

Until that fateful noon,

When she thought it safe to browse the web,

[And Google “Is Santa from the moon??”]

ALAS! She happened to chance upon,

Her human sister’s WordPress,

Her dainty smile turned upside down,

Her pulse quickened in distress!

She panicked and wondered and panicked again,

At possible ends to this story,

Would her highly guarded secret be

Unleashed in all its glory?!

Unfortunately, this is all I have time type, and that’s probably a good thing because who doesn’t like to be left hanging from time to time?? AND, if you don’t read my next post, you’ll NEVER EVER INTO INFINITE know how it all ended, so…

Unbelieveable

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?! THEY HAD THE GUTS -THE GUTS– TO PUBLISH A POEM BY HER AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO ME?? AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO ME!! [I am so distraught that I can’t differentiate between BOLD and ITALICISED anymore. WAY TO GO, SISTER!!]

It’s just been about a week since Taylor [my supposedly loving and nurturing human sister] previewed that absolutely humiliating poem about me on her blog and just six days [DAYS, people!!] later, another one of her so-called “masterpieces” gets featured in the newspaper. UGH!!

I can’t believe this. While real, comic GENIUS [as regularly featured on my blog] remains unnoticed for years on end, utter “poetic” TRASH goes on to get splattered onto thriving media platforms within a matter of hours. It’s just SICKENING.

Here, take a look at her “poem.” >Smirks< I swear, if this is a rhyme, I’m Picasso!!

Humph.

Humph.