…Annnd They’re Gone!!

Status Report: Mom and Dad are officially out of the house!! YAHOO!!

I am finally free to do all the CRAZY stuff I’ve been planning to accomplish ever since they first sprung the news of their holiday on us [i.e, two days ago], like:

1. Raid the cookie jar [with a little bit of patience, it’s possible, even if you’re a dog like moi] and then silently chuckle as Taylor and Trikaya get blamed for the disappearing Oreo Thins

2. Eat [like, a lot. Like, more than usual. Like, more than my normal quota. -God, however I put it, it still sounds incredibly lame]

Annnd… Those are all the “to-do”s I have penned down so far. Hmm. The “overachieving, ambitious personality” that astrologists have assigned to Leos like myself seems to be hiding itself pretty well behind the “food-loving, food-adoring, food-obsessed food-addict” persona that I have managed to invent.

Jetting Off

So guess what??

Mom and Dad have decided to leave. For Bangkok. In two days.

Which, granted, is pretty dope…

…IF you are undergrads with no responsibilities [i.e, no dog]. NOT so cool when you have the aforementioned dog, two whiny kids AND the aforementioned dog’s diet schedule. I mean, HELLO?? WHO is supposed to force-feed me brussel sprouts during the two weeks they’re away?? Don’t get me wrong; sprouts taste like squirrel poo [disgusting with a hint of even more disgusting] but they DO do wonders for my -um- bowel movement.

I’m not even kidding when I say that sometimes, I feel like the most mature person in this family [and I’m the DOG].

We’ll Take This Way Too Far [What The Minion??]

This morning, I was innocently going through my Internet feed when I saw this;

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Trying [and failing miserably] to shield my eyes from the horror, I scrolled down as fast as humanely possible only to be terrorized by this;

Image result for Minions Are going too far

Obviously thinking that the worst was over, I sifted through a few more articles about “Cures for Cancer” and “Solutions to End World Hunger” [whatever that means], when I discovered THIS;

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Now, if your eyeballs haven’t already shriveled up and popped out of their sockets after those startling [to say the least] pictures, I want you to read this, and read it carefully;

ENOUGH OF THIS YELLOW MADNESS!!

Seriously, this whole Minion thing is going WAY to far. Not only is the Internet now plagued with countless Minion memes, but everything from tattoos to posters to breath mints are now being modeled after their slimy, sickening faces [and NO, that is NOT me being jealous on account of the fact that mumbling dumplings of ochre are getting way more attention and affection that ME, the worlds first and only blogging dog. Envy?? ABSOLUTELY not].

I’m just going to go lie down, now. I owe a few hours of darkness to my retina that have just burned off thanks to the pages and pages of shocking yellow. Yeurgh. Who ever made them LEGAL?!

Movie Review: Inside Out

So I went to watch Pixar’s latest blockbuster Inside Out in the multiplex yesterday and it was FAB FAB FAB!!

A HA!!

That was just a test to see whether you were paying attention an squealed out “BUT YOU COULDN’T HAVE GONE TO THE MULTIPLEX BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT EVEN HUMAN, FENI!!” I mean, I am a DOG, a fur-shedding, Pedigree-eating, dung-loving dog, who DEFINITELY isn’t allowed in the fancy cinema downtown. I’m barely allowed in my OWN home, forget a plush theater.

Anyway, the truth is we bought the glossy DVD from MegaView, made a bowl of buttery popcorn [well, I got stuck with a few scruffy bones, but no complaints] and then settled in for an hour and a half of animated nonsense.

Or so I expected.

What followed blew my mind, for various reasons. One being that I didn’t really expect it to amount to anything. Sure, there’d be a few catchy songs thrown in  that everyone will hum for the next week or so, maybe even a Top 10 Billboard hit.

What I didn’t see coming was a thought-provoking, beautifully crafted film with something for everybody; colorful animations for the kids, #sorelatable moments for the tweens, subtle chuckles for the adults… There were funny bits, triumphant bits, happy bits, tear jerking bits, sad bits, reminiscent bits…

What more could you ask for??

The [SPOILER ALERT!! You have been warned] cute little Riley flashbacks scattered throughout were my favorite scenes, as were the ones with Ding Dong. Oh, and just about every single minute with Sadness. And Disgust, my, my!! And ANGER!! Ooh, and wasn’t Panic exactly like that one best friend we all have?? And-

BASICALLY, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing. It’s fun, refreshing and a new concept that’s magnificently portrayed. I would DEFINITELY recommend watching it, be it at your place or a glitzy theater or the Internet.

HOWEVER [there’s always a “however,” isn’t there??], I have to state that the way they finished Ding Dong off was REALLY shocking -in a bad way. I personally believe that a character as well developed and important as Ding Dong was deserves a more “proper” farewell. Sure, it was noble and sacrificing and all, but seeing him tumble into the depths of The Pit Of No-Return was truly heartbreaking and brought tears to my eyes.

Also, Joy ditching Sadness and DD to rush back to the HQ is COMPLETELY out of character. Sure, she may care more about Riley’s happiness than life itself, but abandoning them like that wasn’t at all like the optimistic, problem-solving Joy that we had made acquaintance with half an hour ago.

HOWEVER [another one of those?? Like as if one isn’t bad enough], I would still chalk this movie up as one of the Top 5 Animated Movies I Have Ever Watched In My Entire Life [which isn’t saying much, considering how I’ve probably only watched about 3. But still. It’s the thought that counts, right??].

Here Is A Thought On A Wednesday

It has just occurred to me that Hermione Jean Granger [yes, THE phenomenally intelligent and FABULOUS Hermione Jean Granger from the Harry Potter franchise] could potentially, just about, maybe, kind of be my TWIN SISTER!! YES!!

Like, what do we NOT have in common?? Well, except for the fact that I am a -you know- DOG and she is a -you know- human being and all.

Except for that.

I mean. it’s not like I don’t absolutely ADORE her already, and don’t twin sisters do that?? Unconditionally love each other, I mean. All stable relationships are based on mutual adoration, and I’m 100% sure that once she sets her GORGEOUS auburn eyes on my being, her heart will melt and her brain will go wonky and it will be LOVE at first sight.

Here are the reasons we are TOTALLY long-lost twin sisters:

1. We’re both female [and, OK, I’m a bitch and she’s a witch -SEE?? WE EVEN RHYME!!- and that’s probably a deal-breaker in most twin-verification-cases or whatever, but we’re MAGIC, remember?? ANYTHING is possible when you’re magic]

2. We’re both CRAZY for Ron Weasley [although I’m more of a fangirl and she’s more of his wife]

3. We’re both 25 years old [At least I will be. In another 20 years]

4. We both go gaga over Krispy Kreme [She hasn’t really MENTIONED how she’s totally besotted with KK, but I KNOW -thanks to how our brains are telepathically linked and I can hear her innermost thoughts and feelings- that she loves nothing more than sinking her flawless incisors into 6-inches of sugary, bread with a hole]

5. We… Um… Like, Hermy and I…

OK, so that’s all I can come up with, but 4 solid points right off the bat is NOTHING to be ashamed of. This life-changing revelation barely hit me a 20 minutes ago and I already have proof to back it up??

Well done, doggy. Well done.